Custom is a peculiar way of living which is pursued by a specific group with certain identity, and it is considered that longer the history of the group is, more customs the group has. Korea is said to have a history of 5,000 years, so it is not a contradiction to have a lot of special customs. The custom I'd like to recommend for foreigners is boisterous dinning tradition. Family members gather around every dinner to have meal with others, and they arrange all the food on the table, unlike Western culture which bring food in order. There are various advantages for this custom.
First of all, family can confirm and reassure their fraternity. Each of the family member would have his or her private affair to deal and work to do, but they gather for the dinner table. They talk about the trivial issues covering their day life and eat, laugh, and enjoy together. Also, they share the same pot of soup and side dish. This seems to be awkward and rather dirty, but this is another way of showing their intimacy. It is true that there is a possibility of infection, but confirming their kinship is much more important for them.
Not only this, but also this custom helps getting rid of stress. Recent studies insist that getting together with others, especially close people is one of the best way to release stress and revitalize the routine life. That is the reason Koreans have so many get-together events. Korea is famous for its long and harsh work, so friends, family, colleagues or business partners gather and emit everything they have in their mind. This is how they live.
Though the essay is short, it is well structured with concise expressions. Furthermore, it enables foreigners to easily understand Korean custom by stating important characteristic in a concise but in a accurate way. Overall, the essay conveys its message well, and it has a well-built structure.
답글삭제I think you conveyed your thoughts about Korea's boisterous dining tradition effectively in the essay. I think it is well-structured and well-expressed. But still, I'd like to point out some parts that I think you can improve on.
답글삭제First, in the introduction, I think you can make it more concise. (Korea is said to have --> Korea has, it is not a contradiction to--> it has....)
Also, you mentioned that custom is a peculiar way of living which is pursued by a specific group with certain identity. But I thought that a boisterous dining tradition doesn't perfectly match this definition. Many other countries have a boisterous dining custom, and many Asian countries have dining customs very similar to Korean dining customs. I thought that it would have been better if the subject was a more unique one.
In your second body paragraph, you asserted that the custom helps getting rid of stress. But I thought that there are many more effective ways of relieving stress other than dining in a boisterous matter with your family. I think it would have been better if you emphasized the efficiency of relieving stress through dining, or another strong merit of it.
Last, I think it would have been a greater essay if there were more content in it. You could have added examples, or even another point.
Anyways, I really enjoyed your essay and your views on the Korean dining custom. Great essay!
I thought it is interesting to talk about the dining tradition of Korea. Though it was an well-oriented essay overall, I would like to suggest some points that will make your essay convincing.
답글삭제Foremost, the introduction is too long and unclear. It was an interesting hook, but it is not an efficient method to spare too much space on hook. Instead of it, shortening the hook and recruiting the thesis would be effective.
Also, I suggest it is not a good plan to talk about the opposite opinion and rebutting it. It may be effective in debate contests, but it is much better to add more examples in essays.(1st paragraph)
Lastly, paraphrasing the thesis statement in the conclusion would help a lot. Paraphrasing the two reasons and your thesis would remind the readers your argument. It would be better if you use a creative final sentence after it.
Though it had some problems, I consider it a convincing essay.